Happy Anniversary Momma!

This year, we celebrate 13 years together and 8 years married. I have had the privilege of loving Jill as a young girl and as a grown woman, but my favorite is getting to love her as a mother. She is the captain of our ship. Sometimes we are all sitting on the couch and I am holding Lincoln. When Jill turns to look at us, she sees that we are both just staring at her. She normally laughs and calls us both creepers. We sometimes do this on purpose to get under her skin, but mostly we do it without even knowing we are doing it. Maybe its because we feel undeserving of her. Maybe we do it because we just love her so much. Maybe its because she makes us feel safe. It is probably a combination of everything because we know that as long as Momma is here then we have nothing to worry about.  Just like Lincoln, I depend on her for my survival. Without this beautiful woman by my side I would not have the drive to get out of bed in the morning or the courage to make our lives better.

On Saturday, I planned out a surprise date for Jill. So we got Lincoln set up with Aunt Lolly and were off. At an attempt to not be "boring parents", our first stop was to Zero Gravity in Dallas. We both decided to go through with it, and ended up doing a 160ft free fall into a safety net. It was pretty amazing, but probably one of the most terrifying things either one of us have done.

We then went on a trip to the farmer's market to get more vegetables than I would probably eat in a year. After that we ended our day having dinner on a patio since the weather was perfect. We planned on staying out until midnight, but after a long day we were back home with baby boy by 9.

However, the best anniversary gift was the news we go to kick off our weekend. We received a call from our attorney letting us know that our petition had been filed with the courts and has already been approved. This means that we are ready to set our finalization date. We will be gathering with some family and standing in front of a judge to legally make Lincoln a member of our family.  Lincoln has consumed every thought in our heads ever since we saw his sonogram picture for the first time. I am sure that is no different than biological babies. But with adoption, this is a very special day. It's hard to explain. Not that we think anyone is going to come take him away from us or that we can't do certain things with him, but I'd be lying if I said that it never crosses your mind. Getting to add a legal obligation to our lives has never felt so good! 

Any of you that are married, know that it is a lot of work. We are no exception. After spending 13 years with anyone, you are bound to drive each other crazy from time to time. For instance, when I am watching football and my beautiful wife comes over and starts talking 100 mph about everything and nothing at all. "Look at this idea on Pinterest. We should do something different to the backyard. Look at this recipe on Pinterest. You should listen to this podcast.  Oh my goodness, you will never believe who I talked to today. Look at this baby room on Pinterest. You can build this!" I have to admit that for a split second I thought to myself, "What if she just bit her tongue off right now?" But the truth is, no matter how busy I am or how focused I am on the game, all I have to do is turn and look at her and all of the sudden I am transformed into that same 15 year old boy falling in love with the girl of his dreams. I may have doubled my age, but until the day I leave this world, I will forever be that little boy doing everything in my power to try to get THE Jill to like me.

Happy Anniversary to the best wife and most amazing mother!

A Father's Day Tribute

I have been given a completely different perspective on Father's Day this year. It is the anniversary (Father's Day 2013) of when Jill and I submitted our pre-application into Gladney, and anxiously awaited our approval to attend orientation. The hope of becoming a great dad, when my time comes, prompted me to reflect on the great dads that surround me, especially mine.

I always knew that I had an extraordinary dad, but this year as I am getting closer to become a father myself. I have a newfound respect for that man. I have tried to mimic him in every way growing up. He is the type of man that everyone wants to be. He is a hard working provider, and a loving caretaker with a huge heart.  He was a man that lived his life way beyond his time. He grew up in an era where men are men. A time when you live to work and anything more than a handshake is a sign of weakness. Well, not for him. He has always lived as a true example of a real man. You work hard, take care of all people, honor your word, kick ass when you need to, and most of all you love without being ashamed to show it. I grew up with parents that never let me forget the love they had for me. The truth is, the only reason my dad and I switched to kissing on the cheek is because it was getting weird with our mustaches touching. I am proud of the example that has been set for me, and it is very comforting that I will be able to be the best dad possible with this man in my corner.

I have the great fortune of being surrounded by childhood friends, new friends, and brother in laws that I have gotten to watch grow into great dads. We have many children in our lives that we get to spend time with. These men all have different fathering styles. They discipline differently, they all have different activities that bonds them with their kids, and they even have a different vocabulary around their kids. The one thing that they all have in common is they all have a tremendous love for their babies, and they are all growing into great kids! I noticed the biggest similarity of all between all of these great dads. I noticed that all of the best fathers, have great mothers right beside them. And I know that the mother of my kids will be the best out there.

We love getting to "play parents" with these wonderful kids, even if it is just for a few days. But truthfully, I have never been more than an "assistant coach" to the kids that I love so much. I can love them, play with them, cheer them on, and even sometimes discipline them, but one thing always happens.....they go home.  As our metaphorical pregnancy grows closer with every passing month, we keep content knowing that our time is near. We can't wait for the day when our first child is here, and I can adapt all of the representations from all of these great men into my own abilities to father.

Happy Father's Day to my wonderful dad and all of the great dads that influence me!

My Soulmate

I know the thought of "soulmates" seems a little cheesy. But my view on a soulmate is a little different. I believe that there is such a thing as a soulmate. Someone created just for you and put into your life by, what had to be, divine intervention. That's what I have. God answered my prayers long before I was even old enough to pray for it.

He gave me you!

Sophomore Year 2002

Junior Year 2003

A little over 12 years ago I was just a regular 15 year old boy. My whole life revolved around football and hanging out with buddies. One day in November 2001 we had a small group of friends come over to my house. It started with just about five guys, and we decided to invite some of the girls over that we hung out with regularly. When they showed up, there was an incredible surprise. They brought with them the “new girl”. I was polite when we were introduced, and I tried to play it cool and be myself. The truth was that a feeling had come over me that was completely new. At fifteen years old, I was forever changed. I was terrified of this girl, but just wanted to know her.

It took me about a week to work up the courage to ask for her phone number. I had completely fallen. She did not feel quite the same way unfortunately. She was two years older and had grown accustomed to dating older guys. It took me a couple more months, but finally I convinced her to “go out with me”. That was 12 years ago today. I knew deep down that I would never let this gift from God go. She influenced every decision I made, and my main objective of every day was to make her happy.

As soon as we graduated from high school, there was only one thought on my mind. Not what college I would be going to, but how soon could I afford to buy an engagement ring.  I proposed to her on Christmas Eve the year we graduated. It was not the greatest, most romantic proposal ever, but she said “YES” anyways making me the happiest man alive.

We were married on our 5 year anniversary of when we started dating. On February 9, 2007, I was greeted at the end of the aisle by the most beautiful bride I have ever seen. With the small chapel filled with people, I could only see the woman walking towards me. On that day we made a pledge to each other. That pledge was not for us, but for everyone else there to witness it. I had already made a pledge to myself the day that I met her. I knew in my heart that I would do everything and anything to keep her safe, provided for, and unconditionally loved for the rest of my life.

Today we celebrate 12 years together, and 7 years married. In many cases when people marry so young they grow into different people and drift apart. We have grown together as one, and have been made stronger every year that passes. My wife is true to the ones she loves, and she loves hard. I have seen my wife conquer everything she put her mind to. She makes everyone around her better people. She has made me a better man for sure. By this time in our marriage we imagined that we would have at least a couple babies by now. She has such a love for children, and a natural maternal instinct. Things may not have lined up exactly as we planned. It may have been a little boring if it had. But we know that we would never change anything that has led us to today. We are happy, healthy, strong, and on our way to becoming first time parents. I can’t wait to share her tremendous love with the newest member of our family.

Happy Anniversary Jill!

Thank you for being exactly the girl that I fell in love with, and for making me the man I am today. I find it hard to recall a memory where you do not exist. You have effectively made the first fifteen years of my life a blur, and I couldn't be more grateful. You are my everything! I love you more than you will ever know. And I promise to never stop loving you through this life and the next.

Bram

2014 

Wedding Anniversary Poem

We should have some exciting news pretty soon about scheduling our home study, but in the meantime we wanted to post another "shoebox letter"!

This peek into our box of letters is a poem that I wrote for Jill on our one year wedding anniversary. Yes, it might be a little cheesy, but what the heck, we'll share it anyways.

FEBRUARY 9, 2008

here is a story that needs to be told.... its about a young man that was fifteen years old. he was hanging out with friends and thinking all was right, until his whole life was changed on a cold winter night. he stopped in his tracks and he tried not to stare, when in walked an angel with long brown hair. he felt something more than the winter chill, when she walked up and said, "my name is Jill". he realized he had found the missing part, at such a young age she had stolen his heart. he knew that she was worth fighting for, because everyday he would wake up loving her more. in February on a night like this, they started their journey off with a kiss. they would climb to the top and sometimes slip and fall, but a love this strong could overcome all. nobody thought they would ever last, but one year, two years, then three years past. he knew she was someone he would never leave, so he decided to prove it on Christmas eve. so many times he perfectly rehearsed in his head, but he froze up and became speechless instead. even though he was as nervous as could be, he built up the courage and dropped to one knee. she knew what he was doing and she could barely stand, as he reached toward her and asked for her hand. she was so happy despite all his stress, but she gave him a permanent smile when she whispered, "yes". so they started planning to make everything great, and they settled on the perfect date. they decided the day that felt most right, would be on their anniversary of that february night. two years of planning was done at last, february 9th came so fast. friends and family all gathered around to witness the love that these two had found. he stood there waiting at the end of the aisle, with butterflies in his stomach he still tried to smile. then there she was at the chapel door, with her ivory dress dragging the floor. he was completely stunned by her elegant grace, an uncontrollable tear even ran down his face. as he stood there looking at the love of his life, he knew he was about to make his soul mate, his wife. they were making a pledge to always stay true, when they both leaned in and whispered, "i love you". their new life had just begun, as everyone witnessed two become one. everyone started celebrating as they awaited the newlyweds call, as they made their way down to the reception hall. when they came in everyone stopped to glance, as he took her in his arms and they started to dance. he realized during their first song, that even though they were so young, they still waited too long. while the music played they both could feel, that they were living proof that love was real. everything settled and they started their life, a new beginning of husband and wife. they adapted well to a marriage so new, with a love so fresh and a new home to go to. the first year married went by just as fast, as all six years that had already past. and still every day their love grows even more, and soon enough there might even be babies in store. but he just wants her to know.... he might not always be the man he could be, and he might not always be as romantic as he should be. He knows that this marriage is still at a start, but he promises never to stop loving her as long as there is still a beat in his heart. - bram johnson

A Peek In Our Shoebox

It seems like all of our posts lately have been all about fundraising. The truth is we are at a point in our journey where there is not really any new information to share. We just so happen to have a lot of great people doing really great things for our adoption right now, so that is all we have had to talk about.

So we had an idea to let all of our readers have a little peek into our shoebox. I'm sure everyone holds on to an old shoe box full of old high school love letters, birthday cards, and the occasional romantic poem. Well coincidentally enough Jill has kept all of ours, and insisted on sharing some.

This letter is actually one of the more recent additions to our shoebox collection. It is a card that I made for Jill that I gave to her on the day after Mother's Day. Over the past few years Mother's Day has been a little heartbreaking. It's one of those days that we are thankful for the mothers we have, but sad that Jill doesn't get to celebrate with the rest of them. So normally, she gets a little something from Marley, but this year was a little different. I didn't get her normal gift or a Mother's Day card, but on the next day when she came home from work I had her a little surprise.

May 13, 2013
Happy Future Mother’s Day
Jill,
I know that “Marley” gets you a little Mother’s Day gift every year,
but I wanted this year to be a little different. I decided that you
are such a unique and special wife that you needed your own holiday. I
wanted to give you the day after Mother’s Day this year because in my
heart, I truly believe that this could be the last year that you are
excluded from the holiday we have craved to participate in for so
long. I don’t need to see a pregnant belly or a baby in your arms to
recognize a perfect mother. You are already the best mother I know
even though at the moment you are only a mother at heart. You are such
a strong beautiful woman and I couldn't be more excited for what lies
ahead. Our journey is a special story that I can’t wait to share with
the world. Many times through this journey our marriage has been put
to the test, and when most marriages would have crumbled, ours
prospered. We are stronger now than ever before. Through every
hardship, I never denied our love. In my many frustrations in the
past, I did deny God. But I am happy to say that I have a stronger
relationship with Him now than ever before. That tells me that we are
headed in the right direction. I just love you so much and I thank God
that he gave me my soul mate to help battle my struggles.
When I look in your eyes and I see so much faith, hope, love, and
fear; that is what a mom is, so I wanted you to have this day!
I love you so much! Happy Future Mother’s Day!
Love, Future Dad

My Favorite Day Of The Year

Today is my favorite day of the year. Today is Jills birthday. If you have followed our blog, then you know I am stealing the "birthday shoutout" from Jills post Happy Birthday Bram. Well regardless of bad taste I am not going to miss out on the opportunity to tell her and everyone else just how much this day means to me.

Jill has never been a fan of her birthday. She never asks for anything or cares for a party. She was born on her moms 21st birthday, so I always tell her that was Gods way of making sure she didn't have to be the center of attention.

I actually keep this picture on the visor in my truck.

Today signifies so much, not only in our relationship, but in my life personally. I met Jill when I was 15, so all I've ever know how to do is love her. Truth is, that's the only thing I've ever been really good at. She may look at her birthday as just another day, or a reason to search for another silver hair, but to me it is a blessing. It is a celebration of the day that God created a person just for me. It might be a very selfish way to look at it, but I simply cannot see it any other way. I have no idea where or who I would be if our paths never crossed. I do know that I would not be half the man I am today. From the time I wake up in the morning, I automatically think "Is there anything that I can do today that will make her day better?" She is the reason I work hard, and hope for success. On a bad day, I still manage to tell her "I love you" at least 15 times. We haven't spent more than three nights apart in the last decade because I'm not sure I could sleep without her. And I know if I had to wake up without seeing her beautiful makeupless face, my whole day would just be weird. 

She never asks for anything, but this year every time someone asks me what to get her for her birthday, I tell them the only thing important to her is getting to meet our baby so a puzzle piece will suffice. I get to see day in and day out how much love is in her heart, and how happy it makes her to be growing our family.

As excited as I am to be a dad, I am even more excited to watch her become the mom she was always meant to be!

So I am thankful for one more year. One more silver hair. One more wrinkle. One step closer to our vision of old featherless love birds on a front porch swing surrounded by grandbabies. One more blink of an eye on our journey to forever.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BEAUTY!!!!! I could never show you how much you mean to me, or explain how much I love you!

Happy Birthday Bram!!

Well, today is a VERY special day... It's Bram's birthday! I thought I would surprise him with a special birthday blog post... I know, I'm incredibly thoughtful!  

"Behold, I am doing a new thing;

now it springs forth,

do you not perceive it?

I will make a way in the wilderness

and rivers in the desert."  Isaiah 43:19

I am blessed to be married to an incredible man of God for more than six years now and lately God has pushed us to new levels of faith that we never dreamed of. 

Dear Bram,

We have longed and waited.

We have cried and prayed.

We have endured and planned over and over again.

Like most things in life, the people who truly have appreciation are those who have struggled to attain their dreams. 

I know that we will notice everything about our child. We will take time to watch our child sleep, explore, and discover. We will marvel at this miracle every day for the rest of our lives.

We will be happy to wake up in the middle of the night to the sound of our baby, knowing that we can comfort, hold, and feed him or her. Our dream will be crying for us.

I count us lucky in this sense; that God has given us this insight, this special vision with which we will look upon our child and how this process has strengthened our marriage beyond our furthest belief.

I cannot wait to meet the most incredible blessing that God has chosen just for us. 

Thanking Him For You on Your Birthday!

Love Always,

Jill